Adventures in Vinegar

I work with a guy that makes his own cleaning chemicals.  From scratch.  And cheap.  He buys spray bottles wholesale.  He stores great big vats of vinegar in his garage.  He thinks his creations are an art form.

Bob cleans for a living, so he is able to apply his creative output to the stains, spills, odors and splatters of the apartment community I manage.  The hallways and common spaces of Riverside Village are his test kitchen and there is plenty of opportunity.

He reminds me of The Mad Professor when he talks about how much money he is saving the property with his natural cleaning supplies and how good they work, so I thought I would give it a try.

My experiment started with window cleaner.  Cleaning windows hasn't been my thing in over four years, but it seemed like a good place to start.  It's spring, after all, and all the good housewives wash their windows.

I mixed and measured and transferred the liquid into a spray bottle.  Spilling half of it on the floor was not intentional, but my hardwood was glowing by the time I got it all cleaned up.

I headed for the first window, but quickly realized that since paper towels haven't been in the budget for at least 5 weeks, cleaning the windows was going to be difficult.  The non streak formula only works if you wipe the glass clean after application.

As I headed back to my kitchen laboratory, I began to realize how bad vinegar smells.

Son II was making a sandwich.  "It reeks, Mom." He said between mouthfuls.  " I can't eat in here." He took his plate to the living room.

He was right, the kitchen smelled like a pickle factory.

"I will persevere!" I shouted after him.

I started in on the homemade grout cleaner - vinegar, baking soda and a splash of lemon juice.  Bob told me the secret is to let it sit for 15 minutes, so after I applied it to the bathroom floor, I returned to my kitchen.

"Gawd, Mom," Son II told me.  He was back in the kitchen eating peanut butter out of the jar.  With his finger.  "When are you going to stop?  It smells disgusting."  

"I won't stop until it's clean," I tell him.  He smiles from behind the gallon of milk he is chugging.

I mixed up a shower head cleaner compound while trying to breath through my mouth.  Was I getting a headache from vinegar fumes?

I stirred and shook, and then I read the final direction.  "Pour liquid into plastic bag and attach to shower head with a rubber band."

By the time I got that sucker tied up to the shower head, the mixture was all over my shirt and hair.  In my haste to wash the vinegar out of my eye, I stepped in the grout cleaner so my socks were now soaked with vinegar.   Smelled awful, even with a splash of lemon.

I decided it was about time to launder my pickle factory clothes and call it a day.  I remembered Bob telling me that adding vinegar to the washing machine is a natural freshening agent.  Good.  Call that final experiment #4.

Freshly showered and smelling much better, I sat down on the coach next to our beloved dog.  She gave me a big wet sloppy kiss.  From the smell of it, she has been drinking vinegar from some spill I didn't get cleaned up.